Anonymous asked:
Is the owner of this account still alive . Please answer if you are .
hi
my dreams so vivid, the nights so long. walking up too many times to the fears that are past gone. remembering who let me down, remembering who i am. remembering my dreams from the past, knowing that they have made me who i am. the fear of those coming to life, what ive done to forget it. the effort ive put it in to burry it, but i know youre trying to influence it. trying to bring me back in the days, when i relied on the things that made me the worst. wishing for the days i was walking through life like a zombie, wont remember a thing, wont care for a thing. i want to go back, i want to go back. i want to feel like it doesnt matter if im awake or asleep. i want to go back. i want to sleep through the night again without being haunted by my past. i want to go back. i want to relapse on every worst thing that made me the worst version of myself. i want to go back because you made me how i am. because you made me remember who i am. because you made me remember where i came from. because you made me remember him. paralyzed but fighting back with all my strength, sobbing and resisting. remembering and wishing i could forget. i want to go back so i dont have to remember anymore. when things seem like they are at their best, they have never been worse. they are getting worse, its getting so much worse, its never been worse, itll only get worse.
“empty statements of bones and meat
-i am the antichrist to you
i love you in crimson
i love you in may
i love you more when the leaves have started to fray
i love you forever
i love you my love
i love you till death due us apart
i love you in the moonlight
i love you in the morning
i love you in the grave
i love you in mourning
i love you in the sunshine
i love you are my sunshine
i love you my partner
i love you for you
i love you through pain
i love you through damage
i love you through every thing we manage
only our love
only ours to keep
only mine to claim and im yours to keep
only for us to swim ashore
to a new life to a new place as before
where we can be one
we can be together
we can see the world together
before i leave forever
your love is my love
my love is your love
you are my love
you are love
when taking a shower starts to burn again, i know things are getting worse. everything is moving so fast when im trying my hardest to keep up. they expect me to make decisions for the future when i cant even think about waking up tomorrow. its like an endless circle we’re in. you can only escape when you’ve cut the cords of this mortal world. waiting for this weight to release of my shoulders when i know the only thing that will help me is killing me slowly.
im not important. im not special. im not significant. im not wanted. im not needed. im not relevant. im not heard. im not liked. im not worth it. im not loved. im not cherished. im not happy.
my mind cant be at peace. i cant focus on anything without loosing touch with reality. staring into blank space, watching my eyes unfocus, im driving myself mad. my mind is screaming internally but i cant speak. my thoughts are running but i cant feel. this eternal pain wont go away. ive lost calibration. ive lost everything that was once truth. i dont know whats here anymore. ive lost my sense of direction. i dont know whats real anymore. its hard to breathe when im so desperately gasping for air. watching my chest rise and fall shows a sign of life. but i dont feel alive. its like im living in an empty shell filled with nothing but distraught.
but its ok, its all in my head.
i want you by my side so that ill never feel alone again… we need to fetch back the time they have stolen from us
stolen dance by milky chance
the feeling of worthlessness sinks in slowly, like cracks in between the concrete taking in the rain water. ive given up on trying to long ago. every day its a pain to wake up and feel that im still breathing. its like the whole world hates me but you. it hurts so much to stay alive but i dont want to leave you. it would be selfish. i love your voice, your smile and every moment i have spent around you. time passes too fast when im with you but i wish i could just spend ages just being in your arms. but i dont know how much longer i can live with this pain. this constant feeling of being a disappointment to everyone around me. i dont deserve to speak my mind, i dont deserve to pursue my dreams, i dont deserve to be happy.
i used to forget what it felt like to feel empty. but now that feelings back and worse than ever. i told myself i would stop. i told myself i wasnt addicted to the pain, to feel the burning of my flesh as i let the sensation take over my senses. i couldnt stop myself. but i know i cant stop myself from going back to it. he cant even help me anymore. that smile, those eyes, those forehead kisses dont even push me back into place anymore. i love him but i know if i just left, would he even care? would he even notice? im a fool. im lost. ive fallen into a well of love and im drowning like a fool who never learned how to swim. the more i look into those glistening eyes, the more i know hes going to leave me. who could be with someone like me? ill never be good enough to have his perfection, to have that sense of ethereality in my life. im in love, but is he really in love with me?
i know in the end, the only thing that will be left for me is matches, blunts, knifes and that last little bit of my cig. in the end, ill be alone and im just waiting for that to happen. soon my day will come. soon i can go. soon i can take my last breath. soon i can rest forever.